Being single is no sin but our conservative Asian society has been hard on them. If a woman reached 30 without being nabbed by a man, people looked askance at her. You poor thing, left on the shelf. She will be labeled an old maid and society put an unnecessary emotional burden on her by creating picture of the frigid plain woman with no sexual attraction for men. Or they might accuse women who want to remain single merely because they want the freedom to flirt from one bed to another - bed hopping. No strings of any kind. It is hard to understand suspicious and prurient attitudes that still persist in society regarding these women. Often the single woman is maligned for no reason, and mainly by married women who feel that the single woman is a threat to their marriages. Such an attitude in many instances is totally unfounded. Having tasted life as a committed woman, I am full of envy for their freedom and their happy go lucky life that is so limited in the life of married women.
Single women can see too clearly the many humpty dumpty marriages which nobody is able to put together again; and when they look around at some of their married friends, with defeat and frustration in their eyes,and regret echoed in every action, it sorts of deter them from entering into marriages.
What we have to get rid of are those prejudices which so easily take hold of us, and allow people to live the lives they want to lead - single or married. There are ups and downs in both. Let women choose what they want.
There might be many reason behind their decision to be single all life---people doesn't seem to take her easily like other married women.Their desire to Hop from one bed to another would be the major concern for these married ones---mentry to take advantage of her in bed and their wives would blame her for spoiling their spouses.They do have their own right to spend their life at their will but i personally feel that they must be sick of something----coz why the heck on this world they would love to be single---Is she against having children or does she thinks of her to be so unmatured that she cannot handle a relationship or do justice to it.
ReplyDeleteI don't think they are to be pitied as it is usually a matter of their own choice. We have several friends who are single, both men and women. One particular friend tells me that she really enjoys her own company and could have married at one point in her life, but it now glad she didn't do it. By her own admission she loves being a recluse.
ReplyDeleteZandi my dear friend
ReplyDeleteI am so amazed by how beautifully you can word things..the way you put your words together is simply beautiful.
What a lovely sentiment here..yes, single women are quite frankly scorned even in this society here..
My thoughts are this way:
If a woman chooses not to marry, then yes, so be it.
If she is left on the shelf however, it is sad for her and her alone, not to be pitied, if it was that she wanted to marry and was not picked.
Lonely would be the word for that.
There is a freedom Zandi in singlehood, which I can understand why you would envy, having been on both sides of the coin myself, both married, and single, single rarely, as I always believed in the sanctity of marriage and chose marriage over just living in sin, as I see it.
In fact, I am not yet legally not married, I feel free as a bird and it feels so wonderfully emancipating, especially after being bossed around for so many years. In my case, it was more that I needed help with a place to live then love really, respect rather than sentiment, you understand Zandi?
I had a young son that I absolutely cared for and adored, so I did what I had to do and it has been well worth it..he is a fine young man devoted to his Mother, yet has his own mind and is very independent. He can survive in this world alone, which is all I wanted to teach him.
Now, yes I can come and go as I please and the peace and freedom found in being myself and to be able to breath again is priceless to me..I can talk to God without someone scorning me for it.
yup its a shame that they are looked down upon.
ReplyDeleteSome just maybe havent found that soul mate others have thier careers that they want o keep and not have marriage interfer.
They are not nessarily jumping from bed to bed.
and if the married woman if afraid of them thier marriage isnt all that good.
My fatehr in law used to say if ya lose them ya didnt have them to begin with!
Hi Zandi... Actually I got pretty furious when I read the title of your post.. But when I read it fully, I understood what you meant... It is true that our culture is highly conservative and that has been going on for a while... But it has changed now. I know many single woment who're 35+ now and are extremely successful and have been receiving offers for marriage from young and old ones... LOL... Yes Madam, it is true!!!
ReplyDeleteWomen in Asia have learnt it now and within a decade or two, our ladies will be leading men in every field. I have learnt these facts through my own part time profession.
The following para is for the single ladies...
'Are you single? Do they call you over-aged? WHO CARES? yes, say this to yourself: WHO CARES?' Hey it is not your fault that you've not found your soul mate... You've a job, if not, get one.. Anyone can get a job here in Asia... just get a job and who cares... It is simple, if they don't care about me, why should I care about them? Gone are the days when women were considered weak... Trust me and say this to yourself everyday: 'YOU ARE NOT WEAK'. I promise you that women have more potential than men... And if you could grab hold of it, human beings would be far advanced.
Please don't feel sad if you're alone,
You're not the only one to feel so;
Each of us have been gifted with a soul mate,
We'll get one, let the time be correct!
First of all, don't pity yourself. You don't need to! You're making enough money for yourself and you can live your life as you want to... Simple and Sound!!! Try it... I am sure it'll work..