The expression 'fallen on deaf ears' is one which most women fondly use to describe the impasse that takes place in the relationship with their closest and dearest...the spouse or partner. Did you realize that where once he would have regarded it as a privilege and achievement to spend time to whisper sweet nothings in your ears and hoped that it would be reciprocated he now occupies himself mostly with the television or papers. In many cases, after many years of marriage, the spouse or partner now merely hopes that you don't shout at him or into his face if he acts as though he can't hear you properly!
The truth is that husband and wives do make a game of the sudden deafness that may arise. It's more commonly seen in hubbies! I will not debate on that with you but I am quite sure that it's the men who would take the prize when it comes to such ear problems! For instance they would suffer suddenly from this when asked to clean the garden, was the car or clean the windows. When accosted and accused of their non responsive attitude they pretend and make the excuse that they did not hear it at that time! Oh my goodness, how naive do they think their wife is?
To be fair to the guys, lest it said that I am bias, I must say that women too at times pretend not to hear their man but I think that has less to do with chores than other subjects. But men are always the ones who suffer from sudden deafness.
How do you tackle this situation when the blank walls can hear you better than the spouse you are talking to? For me I have to rely on this good old charm which often make him jump from his chair without my words. An increase in household expenses may wake him up to the fact that I had to call in and pay for general help. This wakes him up to the fact that he could have pitched in and saved the cost. And another game is a late or burnt dinner. I admit both ways has given me good results.
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JAYMAR777
ReplyDeleteSmart woman... What you are doing to catch the attention of your man is very smart. I guess this phenomenon of deaf ears starts when we were still young. When our parents wakes us up for school or church...it falls on deaf ears; when they have to ask us to do our household chores...what happens? it falls on deaf ears. When our teacher calls us to participate in discussions or answer the questions...it falls on deaf ears... I don't really know when it really ends.
I adopt a different strategy Zandi, because I know my husband so well .He hates it if I tell him to do something and rather have a hole drilled in my own ear I would stick to whatever I can do. He also does not come my way.I would be in my room , he would be in his, and we would chat every now and then during coffee, or lunch etc.., , but that apart, he does not do any household work whatsoever.But he washes his clothes, his cup and saucer, his plate and eats whatever I give him with no demands whatsoever.THere is very clear demarcation of responsibilities and if one day I am unable to procure vegetables he would go without vegetables that day.Windows or doors must be cleaned by me but I have a maid to assist me.THis is the system in many Indian middleclass households.He does some occasional cleaning when he pleases and here too I won't say a word.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise he has never turned a deaf ear to me in any case and I can say that he woudl hear every word of what I would say.If it is asking him to do something ---- then I have had it.
As regards your statement that this statement pertains to men , I do agree because women have many mroe requirements thna men and it is their defense mechanism that makes them pretend to be deaf.
t sure is a sign of laziness.whenever he pretends not to hear,i pay him back in the same coin like when he asks me to pay a particular bill,i convieniently tell him that i forgot and then when he has to pay the penality,he understands that his pretension wont work with me.
ReplyDeleteVery true zandi dear, many times i too pretend as if i can't hear my wife, but this was not say 40 years ago, the responsibility was less, the expenses were less, but now there are so much to do and share, so when she asks for a saree and jewellary, i have to avod, the best way, i pretend to be deaf and dumb too..
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this nice discussion, cheers
God bless you.
hi zandi for me I generally just smiled,giggled a bit then wham off went the television." why did y ou do that,I was listening to that" he yelled, I know I said very sweetly,now you are hearing me. E ither you weed the garden like you said you would do today,or I am going to call a gardener" I leaned over him all eight months of pregnancy now in his upset face.He grumbled something but went outside and started pulling weeds. this had been relegated as women's work taught to him by his dad I guess. He soon learned that I was not fooling when I said either you do such and such or I call an electrician or plumber or repairman as the case may be. Just once was all it took, then my son became a teen with magic hands and a love of fixing anything electronic or electrical ,and dad once more started being the couch potato again. cant win at times.
ReplyDeleteZandi!
ReplyDeleteGood Post! I won't counter your statements and assertion. It is very much possible that as number of year passes in a relationship (read marriage, a husband may start showing the signs of deafness. May be he starts taking his better half for granted. I agree with you that sometimes good old charm does wonders and deafness of a husband varnishes in the thin air